Posted: September 13, 2010 in Articles, Q.Whitening Short Stories
Tags: , , ,

With the name of this piece I think it was quite fitting to not attach a photo to it.

Relationships, let alone marriage, are probably one of the most difficult and complex pursuit to happiness we have today as humans. It takes a lot of mental, physical, and emotional work in order to make them work. Just thinking about relationships has my brain pinpoint a specific conversation I had with a friend of mine. She had relationship problems she couldn’t escape. I can remember her telling me how she always seemed to get the wrong man who takes advantage of her. She even told me how she tends to gravitate towards relationships without a title. So she asked me for some advice, she wanted to know why she gets everything she doesn’t really want in her life? When she asked me I really thought about her personality before I answered. She was the type of person that would put her all into a relationship, even if that person didn’t deserve it. Actually the more that person didn’t deserve to be rewarded the more she gave. Then, most of the time, she would leave a relationship and three to six months later; she’s back on the dating scene or in a new relationship. I looked straight into her eyes and spoke, “You really need to take time for yourself, really find who you are or at least who you want to be. Take that time after such an emotional, physical, and mental rollercoaster to recover from it. When a person comes from something that has absorbed so much of them, you have to take time to pick up the pieces.” As I talked to her you could see her face get deeper into my words. She looked at me as if I became her guru for the moment. Then I added, “When you feel that you recovered enough, ask your self a question, ‘What do I really want in life?’ Many times we say to ourselves we want this, and we want that, but we really don’t take the time to explore ourselves to see if that is truly what we want. If you want to create a world with another person you have to make sure your happy and know your world first. Try to find what your curve is within your personality. Some people gravitate towards relationships, which maybe their strength whether they like it or not. While others may gravitate towards relationships without a title, not saying that’s a good or bad thing, it just is what it is. But you have to realize what your tendency is and decide if you want to change it or not. And if you want to change it, you have to recognize your own personality strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes, we as people, don’t have the right personality traits that fit the person we chose to be with, let alone the right traits to be in a relationship period.” She stares at me with a focus you would see in a camera, as if she has photographed our conversation. Then she speaks, “I never thought about it like that at all Quawee.” She smiles and thanks me with a hug as we part ways. That conversation helped me realize sometimes our weaknesses or traits we view as weaknesses are strengths. But if we want to change that, we have to admit it to ourselves. Matter of fact, sometimes admitting it to ourselves may have a person realize they actually like their strengths. It reminds me of when I started to feel like college was overrated. What I mean by this is society puts so much emphasis on going to college that it can have you think there isn’t any success outside of college. I’m not saying a person shouldn’t go to college and pursue a career, but sometimes being successful in life doesn’t require college. Sometimes admitting that college is not for you can help you really find who you are, even if it’s viewed as a weakness to others. So if you come to the conclusion that being in a relationship is for you or being in a relationship without a title is for you, make sure your happy with that decision. In our world today, there are so many paths to accomplish the goal of happiness. You just have to realize which path is best for you. Even if your weakness is a strength; make sure you’re happy with that strength. There isn’t one specific conventional way to achieve your goal, just make sure if it’s an untitled goal, you’re satisfied with that title.

Written By: Q.Whitening

Posted By: Q.Whitening

  1. Dex says:

    Right on point…. Couldn’t have put it any better myself…

  2. Jammie says:

    Niiice 93!!

  3. Ellen Osei says:

    Love it! you bring up some really valid points…its sooo true that you cannot be in love with someone or fully commit yourself to someone unless you love yourself of have found yourself first….thats the only way that you’ll be able to find out that you are right for each other….then from there you and your partner have the opportunity of meshing your two different worlds and growing together….finding out each other’s likes/dislikes….things that you may be able to work on as a couple…and if you aren’t meant to be together there will be things that you will see that you can’t change about the other person, and you will know and be confident in ending that relationship because you will know who YOU are and what you are able to deal with…but once you do find that someone love is absolutely beautiful….I personally believe in having a title, call me conservative =)

  4. As long as you know your strength, your good. Remember can’t expect your partner to be on your level without first understanding what your level even is. It’s hard to want your partner, for example, to do wash dishes if you don’t wash dishes. How can a person one this and that and they don’t even apply what they want to their life. How does that work. So always find out if the person you want is exactly what you want. And you do that by working on yourself, finding who you are and want to be. Matter of fact if your good at it, you might can find your self while you with that person. But I’m glad you liked it 😉

  5. Ja-Nay says:

    So true. We all must know and love ourselves unconditionally before committing to a serious relationship, but I think the problem lies where people fail to or are afraid of facing “The Self.” Looking and making changes within YOU is easier said than done. It takes lots of courage, and time ALONE which most are afraid of to do especially if they’ve become accustomed to having a significant other or partner. Everything isn’t for everbody. And sometimes commitment is one of them. But as you mentioned people must figure out what works for them. Yet I’ll be the first to admit that there is nothing better than finding someone who’s comfortable with themselves and willing to build TOGETHER/ Support one another, embracing both strengths and weaknesses. That’s what it’s all about.

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